toubousha
by Vyse
Summary: ....*sweatdrop* How the hell did I come up with this? If you don't like it, you can just blame it all on Crown Books. ^ ^;;;;;
1. full of grace

toubousha-full of grace  
  
A/N: And here comes a little song fic series, all taking place around one event, from different POV's...first off is Daisuke, just because...he's my puppy. ^ ^ Next up will be from a made up's POV-but guess what? This made up will be *older* then the digi-destined (lots...around 27 years old, more then ten years older then the third generation), have *nothing* to do the digital world, and will ::gasp:: NOT date any of the digi-destined! She's the cop who is assigned to investigate Daisuke's runaway. ^_^  
  
Oh, and in case you're wondering, this song is 'full of grace', by Sarah Mclachlan.  
  
Oh, and in case you want to know? I deleted 'Suicide' off FFN. I'm sorry about this too (especially to you, Cybra!) but same thing with 'Bittersweet Symphony'...it was just awful. If you want a good depression fic, read 'Depression' by Cynthia, Piedmon's Lady and Lady Dragon...one of the best fan fics you will *ever* read. No joke.  
  
~*~  
  
~the winter here's cold, and bitter  
it's chilled us to the bone  
we haven't seen the sun for weeks  
to long too far from home~  
  
Wuss.   
  
Pansy.  
  
Coward.  
  
Chicken, infant, unmanly, etc....  
  
Now, of all times, I'm wondering if I should have gone through with this.  
  
But it's too late, isn't it? I was depressed. They weren't helping, he wasn't helping, my family wasn't helping...so I ran. Now I'm some alley full of drunks, and I'm curled up in a ball, trying to shield myself from vomit. I would give *anything* to be in my bed now, but I know that everyone I know would give everything for me to be here right now. It's what everyone else wants, ne?   
  
~I feel just like I'm sinking  
and I claw for solid ground  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go~  
  
Maybe I should have just...you know, killed myself.  
  
But, I know that I would never get past picking up the blade. Me, being...well, me, I would probably start crying the moment that I got the blade 5 inches above my skin. So I guess this the best choice. I mean, I'm still alive, and I'm gone from everyone's lives! Sure, my life *will* be a living hell, but...hey. Beggars can't be choosers.  
  
Chibimon...I wonder if he still misses me? I should have taken him with me. I told him where I was going and what I was doing, and I told him I would be back, too... but I guess that just wasn't enough...he went all hysterical when I told him I was leaving. He started bawling and begged me to take him with me, but I couldn't make him live like this. He deserves better than that, you know? I mean...he was there for me. *Always.* Even though I'm a complete and total loser, he was always by my side.   
  
I'll never forget that.  
  
I told him I would come for him, when I needed him...I need him now, but...I can't let myself go back.   
  
~if all of the strength and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love~  
  
Courage? Friendship? ...Whoever decided I would get *those* must have been on drugs or something, really. First of all, I'm nothing like Taichi or Yamato. Taichi wouldn't of gotten depressed in the first place..everyone respects him. They look up to him and see a golden god. And Yamato...he would have found some way to cope with all this. He did, according to Takeru. And Hikari.   
  
Hikari...another reason I'm doing this. I just can't take her anymore. I don't love her, and I don't have a crush on her. I can't go on pretending that I do...it just hurts too much, he hurts me too much...  
  
Hey...that's the kind of coward I am. I can't help it, can I?  
  
~so it's better this way, I said  
having seen this place before  
where everything we said and did  
hurts us all the more  
its just that we stayed, too long  
in the same old sickly skin  
I'm pulled down by the undertow  
I never thought I could feel so low  
oh darkness I feel like letting go~  
  
It's better this way. I keep on having to tell myself that, and I have to keep on making myself believe that, even though it is better this way, with me gone. They can make Takeru the leader, or Hikari, or someone they don't hate, and I don't have to face him every single day.  
  
Him...Ken-chan. I always wanted to call him that, even though...even though everyone knows that Miyako will be the only one to call him that. Everyone says that he loves her, he just doesn't know it yet. He doesn't deny...that just makes me want to cry, pathetic as that is. Miyako doesn't deserve him, dammit...she never trusted him! She 'fell in love' with a cute famous guy, she didn't even trust him when he turned good, and he has to constantly prove himself to her! Ken is too *good* for Miyako, dammit! He deserves better!  
  
Don't get me wrong...I don't deserve him either.  
  
~if all of the strength  
and all of the courage  
come and lift me from this place  
I know I could love you much better than this  
full of grace  
full of grace  
my love~  
  
  
..I have no where to go. I want to get out of this place...but I want to get away from that place.   
  
I'm lost in this world, and I have no one to show me the way.  
  
Everyone hates me, and there's barely a thing stopping me from just...running.   
  
That thing is..it's just wrong. Horribly wrong.  
  
I can't take this much longer...I need to get out of here...someone might find me. Hell, knowing my luck, within the next five minutes, someone *will* find me.  
  
It isn't fair. But...I promised Chibimon...besides, I have to hang around here...just for a while. You know, until...until I can leave.   
  
Maybe one day I can leave without looking back, and I can stop thinking about him. Maybe I'll find someone else, and maybe-just maybe-I can stop being a digi-destined. I can forget about the digital world, and forget that Motomiya Daisuke ever existed, and forget that he ever loved Ichijouji Ken. Maybe...but until then...  
  
Aishiteru, Ken-chan. Aishiteru.   
  
  
  



	2. for the love of her

Toubousha-For the Love of Her  
  
A/N: ...This one is just...odd. It involves Koushirou, Miyako, and a dead Hikari. It has Koushirou x Miyako, Koushirou x Hikari, and Miyako x Hikari. And a little bit of Taichi x Koushirou. *blink* Oh, I forgot to mention Miyako's child. Who's the father? Don't ask...I'm not even sure. O_o This takes place farthest in the past in Toubousha, but two more sequals are coming up - Ripped From My Arms (the Ken version) and For the Love of Me (the Koushirou-Hikari-Miyako version). Oh, and just so when you get to that part...the bricks stand for Daisuke, Ken, and Hikari, and the part at the end stands for Daisuke.   
  
(Oi, and it takes place around 7-10 years after the events of Toubousha-Full of Grace.).)  
  
~*~  
  
The young child clings to her legs, begging fora couple of bucks to buy candy, just a little, since it's so close to dinnertime. Her mother shakes her head, although the days when she was begging are merly a few years in the past. A knock on the door cuts through those persistant whines, but she doesn't stop. Heaving a sigh, her mother opens the door, and a man with black eyes with his hand raised in the air stand on the other side. The child switches to level two whining, and throws in a little tantrum, but her mother stands stiff, her eyes situated perfectly on the stranger who knocked on the door. Opening her mouth, looking for words to explain who this child is; a sister, a niece, or maybe even an aunt. Or she could be an orphan she took in, since things got so tough today, and these kids needed *real* homes...  
  
  
The man with the scary just stares at her, and yet he has this young woman terrified beyond belief. Here stood his former lover, and the one who took his *true* love away from him...digusting. She was the death of her. His koibito would still be alive, if she didn't have to come in, and confess how she truly felt... "Hikari-chan wouldn't approve of...that." he gestured toward the child.   
  
  
...He had no right to call her Hikari-chan. Only she could do that, because she was *her* Hikari-chan, her Hikari-koi, the one she had loved. Maybe he did love her, but...but...she loved her more. She still did. "Don't you think I know that?"   
  
  
The childs' begging and pestering grows quiet, which is an odd thing for her, in light of the fact that she is very much like her mother. Who was this man? He looked rich, like he was one of those com...pu...ter guys. She didn't know this guy. But maybe her mommy did, because her mommy knew lots of guys. Those guys bought her pretty things and gave her lots of money, because her mommy was a pretty lady.   
  
  
He looked at the child, but the words were directed toward the mother. "Doesn't look like it." How could her mommy know someone like this? He had to live in Tokyo, because he was Japanese, and all the computer people lived in Tokyo, because Billy said so. Her mommy lived in America, and she was a waitress. They didn't know each other, because these computer guys had really rich ladies for their wifes and her mommy wasn't married, even though everyone said that if you had a mommy, she had to be married or have a ring on her finger or otherwise she wasn't a real mommy.  
  
  
The woman-girl, if you looked close enough, just a little girl-cast a glace down at her little girl. "Kendra...you go play with your dollies, okay?" the girl nodded, then skipped off, off to play 'Princess of the World' with her royal subjects.  
  
  
His gazed left the waitress for one second to the girl, who resembled her mother in so many ways. "You gave her an American name."  
  
  
Now left alone with the man, she took in a breath. Why had she left safer when Kendra was with her? "Why did you come, Koushirou?" A smirk spread across his face, and even though she just meant *this* Koushirou, she could tell that anything involving an upturing of the lips was rare.   
  
  
"I assumed it was obvious, Miyako-koi, to smart people like you and me. I'm dissapointed that you didn't become the heir to Knowledge...I know I would've enjoyed that." Taking a lock of her thick hair in his hand, he stroked it softly.  
  
  
"You...you have no right to call me...that." The name that once held so much meaning to her now made her feel like screaming in rage. "And you have no right to talk about that anymore..." The Digi-Destined, the Digital Destined, the Chosen Children. Whatever happened to them? Were all those happy laughing children really friends? Or was their happy little illusion broken when Daisuke ran? Then Ken ran because Daisuke ran, and then Hikari killed herself because of Koushirou and...her? Because two blocks got taken off the top and one off the bottom, the rest came tumbling down.   
  
  
"Why are you trying to forget, Miyako-koi?" He reached out a hand to touch kami-knows-what, but Miyako shoved it back. "Do you really think that if you buy a place in America, have sex with American men, and have an American little girl, none of that would have ever happened?"   
  
  
"...No." She attempted to shut the door, but he held his arm between the door and his face. "Don't shut the door on me, Miyako. You know better then that."   
  
  
"I really like to think that I don't. Now...just get to the point and get out." She send a stony glare his way, and he cast an even glare at her."  
  
  
"He hates me now. He hates me because of you." Miyako blinked, and shook her head slightly, and if trying to get her brain to work like it used to. ~....Him?~  
  
  
"I really don't know what you're talking about." She wanted to shut the door, but curiosity bit at her. Maybe if she just listened to his babbling for five more seconds, he would go away....  
  
  
"Taichi, dammit." He hissed, wanting to hit her and fuck her at the same time. "The stupid bastard, he could have loved me, but because you had to love Hikari..."  
  
  
"Koushirou...I really don't give a fuck about any problem you have, even if it involves...me. So, please get the fuck out of my site." Miyako growled. There he stood, as if her words added up to nothing.  
  
  
"Miyako, only you can set things straight! Let me and Taichi..." he stopped short; as if deciding that maybe finishing that sentance wasn't the best thing to do. "Just...just call him up, alright?"  
  
  
Slipping her a sheet of paper, he wasn't surprised to see Miyako crumble it up. "Why the fuck should I?" she snapped. She didn't have time for this...it was her shift if a couple of hours, and Kendra was probably getting the floor all dirty with 'the tears of her people for her prince', otherwise known as chocolate syrup.  
  
  
"...For old times sake." Doing something he knows that he will regret, he grabs her and presses her lips against his, then lets her go. Her eyes burn with rage, and her hands are shaking. The paper falls to the floor, and the man isn't very surprised to see the door slam in his face.   
  
  
Oh, well....  
  
  
It was worth a fucking shot.  
  
  
It was...odd, really...  
  
  
On a tower of blocks, one off the top could change everything.  
  
  
~fin~  
  
  
~*~  
  
......just don't fucking ask, you got that?   



End file.
